Well, today was just horrid. Lets start from last night. My long friend of 11 years and counting, Michael, and I were talking. Let me first start off with our relationship because in high school we use to go out. Nothing ever got too serious between us until after we graduated. We had shared a moment together that brought us somewhat closer and no I’m not spelling it out in R rated terms, you get my point. So we had hooked up once. It was a very wonderful time. We had dinner at 3am and it was just a night I would relive again and again if asked to. I thought from there we would go some where until Michael had to move to a different state because of work. We lost touch somewhat in that I had developed new feelings and so did he.
Slap in a couple of spats a long period of not talking and it brings us to the here and now, or so to speak. Michael has moved back and surprised me one day while I was at work. It was like the best rom-com moment ever. He came in I got all excited ran into his open arms and he picked me up whilst we hugged. It had felt as if no one in the world mattered and at that moment it was like we were the only two that existed any how. I thought that maybe we could try and do something between starting over and picking up where we left off. It had been some time since I have seen him so it was almost like we were starting at a whole new place. One where its like you’re meeting someone for the very first time but you have that sense where you feel that you’ve known them half your life. I have known him for half a decade already.
We have hung out once since he’s been home and last night he mentioned going to dinner after I would get done with work and school. Only his profession requires that he travel. Thus at last minute he got called out to work and we were not able to make our dinner plans. We have yet to speak and I don’t know where this leaves us except for up in the air.
I was looking forward to seeing him all day and I have had a shitty one at that. Then the very thing keeping me together was knowing that I would get to see him later… until that came crashing down.
Regardless of Michael, it was so hard for me to keep myself together today with all of the stress I am going through with school exams, papers on top of working. I started smoking again… I am not proud of it but it happened.
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